Our Foster Story

4 years ago, this beautiful baby girl came into our lives and forever changed our hearts. 

She became our foster baby (original story here). We had great hopes of adopting Amina and making her ours but God had other plans (original post). We struggled, lost hope, and mourned the loss of our baby. I didn't know if we could make it through....but God showed us that he is faithful and true. 

We feared that when we lost custody, we'd lose Amina forever. I have never felt so defeated, broken hearted, and scared. I couldn't imagine my life without our little peanut. Being 8 months pregnant didn't help. I cried myself to sleep and woke up every morning with lumps in my throat. I thought about her every minute of every day and missed her with my entire being. 

It broke my heart to think she'd forget us....that didn't happen. 

Amina's aunt allowed us to remain in her life. 

She didn't have to. 

There was no court order. 

Tamara allowed us to remain in Amina's life because she loves Amina.   

She allowed us to stay in her life because she knew how much we loved that baby girl. She allowed us to stay in her life because she is truly a good person with a very big heart. 

The beginning of our relationship was a challenging time, we struggled with where we stood, our new role, and often felt as if we had to tred ever so carefully as we navigated this new relationship. 

We get so many questions and messages asking if Amina is with us full time...the answer to that is no but she is every bit a part of our family as she was when she lived here. Amina visits us every other weekend, goes on every family vacation, and is a part of every holiday/birthday/family celebration. She will always be a part of our family and in our hearts, our baby. 

Amina was adopted 2 years ago. It wasn't the adoption I dreamed for us...that was emotional. But, I'll tell you, it was a special day. Not only had we known it was coming, we were invited to be a part of that special day. Wow. It's amazing to think where we have come with Amina and her family. 

As difficult as some days are, we have been so blessed. I still struggle and it's ok to be sad and get mad...but this is our journey and God's plan is always greater than ours. We still have Amina and through this journey have gained 4 new nieces and a new nephew! Tamara has been a loving mother to Amina and has become a member of our family. 

We are thankful for our role as Amina's "godparents" and are even more thankful for the love and kindness Tamara has shown us. 

I know not all foster stories have happy endings. We are lucky. We are blessed. And we are forever thankful. 

Every night I pray for the families that continue to put their hearts on the line and love other people's children with all they have. I pray for you and those precious babies every day. 

Happy 1st Birthday Peanut Butter Cup!

Exactly one year ago today, a loving mom gave birth to a beautiful angel. This little angel was taken to my husbands fire station at 28 days old...and our lives have never been the same.

I have always dreamed of adopting and knew I'd love our adopted baby. I just never realized how much I could possibly love until my beautiful Amina. People have often asked (in a very innocent way) if the  love you have for your foster baby is different than your biological baby. Honestly, I love Amina as if she were my own. Before getting married, I did wonder if it was possible to love someone else's child as much as your own but I now know without a doubt you can and do. The moment Amina was placed in my arms at the Social Workers office was one of the happiest moments of my life. The love I felt and the feeling I had was the exact same feeling and love that overwhelmed me when I held Drew for the first time. My heart and soul knew them and they were mine to love, cherish, & nurture.

We were blessed to foster Amina for 4 months and beyond thankful that Amina's family allowed us to remain in her life. I couldn't possibly imagine my life without her in it. Amina is our little sunshine! She came into our home and touched our hearts, changing us for the better. She has brought so much love to our family. So today, we celebrate the gift of Amina Sharay!!!

Little Amina is a crack up. She has the most mellow personality with a sassy flair! She is the biggest love bug! Amina loves being held and cuddled. She gives the best hugs and will give kisses for days...especially to her brother, Drew! And he can't get enough of her (or her hair...naughty boy)! Our little miss is the best big sister ever. And man oh man does she love her puppy sister and puppy kisses! Lol. She has the raspiest bluesy voice I have ever heard and love the sound of her giggles. She doesn't laugh easily which makes it so much sweeter when you earn that scratchy giggle! I could listen to her laugh all day.

Amina is a connoisseur of music and enjoys everything from Aretha Franklin to Toby Keith! Yup...it's true! But her all time favorite song is one her cousins made up,"Go 'Mina!" She loves to dance. Start singing "Go 'Mina" and she moves to the beat! Our little tiny dancer. It's pretty darn cute. Amina likes to make us laugh...especially by blowing raspberries! She rolls, crawls, stands, and is getting into everything! Little sassy pants. She has a rascal side that comes out every now and then...like when she snatches toys from her brother and cousins. lol. Or when she pretends she's going to touch my face then snatches my glasses. You can't help but laugh. She is getting so big and becoming her own little person with a BIG personality.

Amina, you were just an itty bitty and in the blink of an eye, you are 1! How did that happen?! I have loved every second of watching you grow and change. You make us so happy and proud. As much as I'd love to keep you little, I can't wait to see what you do next! You truly are our sunshine. Happy 1st Birthday my beautiful peanut.

All photos are from Amina's first birthday party, courtesy of Kristen Saldana Photography. Birthday Party Post and details coming soon...

A Beautiful Adventure

As we prepare to drop our sweet Amina off at her aunt's, we are filled with of course sadness but also the deepest love and gratitude.

The past 3 1/2 months have been the best times of our lives. It has been the greatest privilege and honor to foster this beautiful angel. 

God placed Amina in our lives for a reason. He has a plan...we may not understand it, it may not be our plan, but he is a tricky guy and works in the most mysterious and wondrous ways. I know Amina was given to us to teach us what true love is. She has strengthened us as a couple, made our families closer than ever, strengthened our faith, and taught us how to be parents. Wow! I am amazed by how this precious little baby has changed our lives. We are so blessed. 

In our hearts, she will always be a Vidovich.

Today, we woke up, loaded up the car with bottles, bath tubs, bouncers, bows, clothes, diapers, wipes, and oh so much more! We hugged our baby girl, loved her, watched Doc McStuffins, and let Coobie say not goodbye, but "See you later!" to her sister, our peanut butter cup.  

Amina is going to live with her aunt and 5 cousins. They truly love her and will take good care of her. The love they have for her offers us some comfort. Our families were brought together by this little angel and our lives are forever intertwined. Amina now has two families that love her and will be there for her.   

As we leave today, I reflect on the ending of my favorite childhood movie…The Little Mermaid. King Triton has to let Ariel go and so he turns to Sebastian and says, "I guess there is just one problem left Sebastian. [And what's that, your majesty?] How much I'm going to miss her." I am going to miss you with my entire being baby but know that we will be together soon.

Looking forward to our visits my sweet babe. Remember...wherever you are, my love will find you. I love you poopsie. 

Heartbreak

The past few days have been the most difficult days for our family. As many of you already know, the law has decided that our sweet girl is better off with her maternal family as of next month. Though we only had her for a short time she has our hearts forever. 

From the moment Amina was placed in my arms she was not just my foster baby, she was my baby. I have loved her as if she was my own child. Having her for the past 2 ½ months has been the biggest blessing. Being her mom has changed me in the most amazing way. Everything makes sense as her mommy. It was clear from that very moment I held her that I was put on this earth to be her mommy. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my sweet, perfect, silly girl. She has made me love in a way I never imagined. I have loved every second of being her mom…every middle of the night feeding, every snuggle, every cry, whine, chat, and dirty diaper. It has been the greatest honor and joy. I have grown with her and know what every, squeak, cry, and noise means. I know when she is hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or sick. And she knows me. I love this baby girl so much and don’t want to lose her. I can’t begin to express the pain I feel thinking about her not being here.

This is truly the most heart breaking experience Andrew and I have ever experienced. Andrew is the most amazing dad. I have never seen a better father. I have watched him sing to her, walk her through our garden when she’s upset, read to her, watch Doc McStuffins (her favorite show), and play with her. He loves her more than life itself. My dad wasn’t a part of my life but if I could pick a dad, it would be someone just like Andrew. Amina has brought out the most loving, patient, and compassionate side of Andrew.  Amina is his baby girl. 

We are beyond heartbroken. I know she isn’t our biological child but our love is that of any biological parent. We can’t imagine our lives without Amina. I don’t know how we are going to live without her. She is the love of our lives. I don’t know how we will ever walk past her room and not feel an intense sense of loss. I don’t know how we will get up every day knowing she isn’t here.  And I don’t know how we will ever be able to hand over the most valuable part of us…Amina.

Despite our sadness, there is joy, love, and always something to be thankful for. We are so thankful for the best months of our lives and so thankful for another month with our baby girl. Although we are sad now, Amina is worth it. She has been our angel and has brought more love, laughter, and joy into our home than we ever thought possible. She has truly touched our lives and has forever left her imprint on our hearts. Even though she won't legally be a Vidovich, she will always be one to us. Amina will always be our baby...

We know her aunt loves her and she will be in good hands…it doesn't make it easier but gives us some peace of mind. She has also promised to allow us to visit and remain in Amina's life. That alone has helped us get through every day.  

We are going to enjoy this next month and spoil her rotten! We are going to treasure every second with sweet Amina and hopefully she'll feel all the love. I pray that God gives us peace and the strength we need to put on happy faces and be the best mommy and daddy to our girl. Please keep our family (especially Amina) in your prayers. 

I cannot thank everyone enough for their love, support, encouragement, prayers, and kind words. They have helped us through this sad time and give us hope. God bless!