On Hold

A month back, I shared that we were getting ready for our next embryo transfer. We were just starting the process to add to our family. 

I had it all planned out (in true Justine fashion) and expected a Valentine's Day transfer. After blood work came back, we knew my hyperthyroidism was out of remission and expected a delay.

I'm not a medical professional but I can explain it the way I understand...hyperthyroidism (also known as Graves Disease) is when your thyroid is overactive and produces too much of a hormone called thyroxine. It increases my heart rate and metabolism. If not regulated during pregnancy, hyperthyroidism increases the chances of miscarriage, preterm labor, low fetal birth weight, and pregnancy induced hypertension. 

After meeting with my endocrynologist and reviewing my levels, I was put on medication that is not safe for pregnancy. There are medications that are safe to take while pregnant but some are known to cause adverse affects. Unfortunately for me, the medications we are using to control my thyroid and get it back into remission are contraindicated and have been known to cause birth defects. 

This means we have to put our transfer on hold for at least 3 months...until my thyroid is back in check. Then I'll be able to switch to a safer medication and transfer our little embryo. 

As frustrated and disappointed as I initially felt, I want to give this little embrie baby its best chance and that means waiting until momma is completely healthy. 

I'm looking for the silver lining and determined to see the positive. 

We are going to make the most of these next few months...enjoy our littles and soak up this time as a family of 5 before we get to hopefully add another little to our bunch! 

Sushi may be out (too high in iodine) but wine is A-OK! 😉 

Thank you for all the love, support, and messages. 

Update on FET...

Last week I posted about our upcoming FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) and was so touched by the overwhelming response. The love, support, and prayers are incredible. I wish there was a way to adequately express my gratitude. 

When you open up about something so personal and intimate, it's really scary and you never know how it will be received. Every message, email, comment, and text were read and so appreciated.

I also wanted to thank those of you who trusted me enough to share your own personal struggle with infertility. I know how hard it is and feel honored that you felt safe enough to share it with me. 

Today we met with our REI (Reproductive Endocrinologist...doctor) to go over the results of all our tests and make a game plan for our FET. 

The one factor in question is my thyroid. I have hyperthyroidism but it goes into remission during my pregnancies and while nursing. I just weaned Bea and right on cue...my TSH levels are off. 

With that in mind, we are looking at a March transfer...around St. Patrick's Day. Hoping we have the luck of the Irish on our side. 😉

Every time we walk into Reproductive Partners and meet with Dr. Huang, it's as if he lifts a huge weight off my shoulders. It's no longer my problem. My infertility becomes his infertility. My stress melts away and I can breathe. 

This next month will consist of more tests...more blood, a saline ultra sound, and a trial transfer. Then starting in March, we will start estrogen pills, progesterone shots, more blood, more ultrasounds, then our transfer. 

It's exciting and scary and incredible and amazing. This is exactly how Drew and Bea started. That in itself is mind blowing. 

This next month, I'm going to eat all the sushi and drink lots of wine. Because I am looking optimistically ahead and as Andrew perfectly stated, "Hopefully you won't be able to have any of this for 40 weeks!"

Last Embryo. Last Chance.

Motherhood isn't easy for me. 

I don't mean the all day morning sickness, the colicky baby stage, or the toddler tantrums...although those were freaking brutal. 

The hardest part of motherhood for me was waiting for it to begin. The actual getting pregnant part. 

For a lot of people, getting pregnant is easy...wham, bam, thank you ma'am...you know what I mean?! 

For many, including myself, trying to have a baby isn't easy. Nope. Getting pregnant is a real B! 

For two and a half years, we tried and failed at creating a family the good ol' fashioned way. Each month was more devastating than the last. This was the hard part. Not the drugs, shots, or bedrest...the waiting. The disappointment. The heartbreak. 

We've been through it all already...the harvesting, retrieval, hyperstimulation, freezing, embryo transfer, wait.

This year we will be trying for our last baby. 

This time around is a bit different. It's our last embryo. Our last chance at having another baby. And truth be told, I am as scared as I have ever been.

There are pros & cons to being "open" with our journey. I would say without a doubt that the pros definitely outweigh the cons. When I opened up about our struggles, we received an unbelievable amount of support, love, and so many prayers. It was incredible. The cons are opening yourself up for judgement, the occasional insensitive comment, and the fear of the unknown. 

These next few weeks will consist of paps, blood work, doctor visits, ultrasounds, and if all looks good...drugs and an embryo transfer next month. 

This is not easy to share (a little scary and very emotional)...and I'm sure these posts aren't always easy to read (TMI, against your beliefs, too sad) but it's part of our journey. 

Sharing my story has helped me heal and hopefully helps someone else who may stumble upon this post. If by being open I can give hope to at least one person struggling then this is totally worth it. 

As we anxiously start this process, I would very much love and appreciate prayers, good vibes, and positivity. 🖤 

As always...thank you for reading my posts and caring about our journey. This little space on the internet has become a second home. It's my safe place...and for that I am forever thankful. 

Bringing Home Our Baby Bumble Bea

It's hard to believe our Sweet Bea is almost ONE!!

In honor of her upcoming birthday I decided to share the story of her birth. 

This is one of my favorite love stories, Sweet Bea. 

It's the story of you.

Like any good story, we have to start at the beginning.

Our sweet Bea wasn't always so sweet. In fact, she was a bit of a hellion! 

Just like her big brother, Bea is an IVF baby. A frozen embryo transfer. Just like with Drew, I gave myself a million shots, prayed my heart out, transferred two beautiful and healthy embryos, and stayed in bed for 5 days. We were pregnant. We were thrilled.

Unlike most people, I love morning sickness. It is a sign that everything is good...a reassurance that there is a growing little miracle in my belly. Little Bea took it to a whole new level! I was sick the ENTIRE time. Not just nauseous or tired but the kind of sick you have when you wake up after a night of tequila shots sick. Holy moly. I remember thinking, "Ok. My little busy Bea. Thank you for checking in but I need a break!"

Then this little rebel decided she wanted out and she wanted out NOW! 

Mind you, she wanted to make her debut at 32 weeks....oh yes, 32 frickin' weeks! Stinker. 

I had just had my sprinkle and was feeling extra tired, crampy, and HEAVY. I figured it was a 2nd baby thing so although I was uncomfortable I definitely wasn't concerned. We'd gone in for our 32 week appointment and casually mentioned how much harder this pregnancy was and my symptoms....well, it wasn't normal and after 30 minutes of monitoring, I was sent to Hoag Hospital for 48 hour observation and medication to slow contractions and meds to help baby's lungs form if she were to come early. Then sent home on strict bed rest and weekly monitoring. 

My job was to keep this baby cooking and my husband made sure I did just that! Andrew picked up all the slack and some...cooking, cleaning, laundry, and Drew! He may drive me crazy but I am pretty darn lucky to have this guy to do life with. 

Not only was my husband amazing, the grandmas took their roles to a whole new level of awesome! My mom and my mother in law helped with organizing everything from my sprinkle, washing baby clothes, and packing my hospital bag. My mother in law and sister in law took Drew more days than I can even count. Our family and friends visited, brought endless amounts of food, and entertained Drew. Thank God for the support system we have....I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. 

I'd been home two weeks on bedrest when my momma tribe had come to keep me company and bring Thai food (all I craved my third trimester)! I was so thankful for the company, yummy food, and some of the sweetest friends! My gf, Jenn/my built in doctor (she really should start charging me for every random picture and question I throw at her), started noticing the regularity and strength of my contractions despite being on medication...she STRONGLY encouraged me to go in the next day.

Sure enough, at 34 weeks, I was dilated to 2, 60% effaced, and my contractions were 7 minutes apart. The meds had stopped doing their thing...which meant back to Hoag. 

As nervous as I was, I also had a feeling that everything would be ok and truth be told, I hadn't expected this to be easy. Nothing had come easy up to this point so I kind of assumed it would be a doosey.

I was admitted, put on the monitor and meds were upped to at least buy us a little more time. During our ultrasound, we found out that our little sassy girl had flipped. Yes, flipped! Miss. Bea had been ready, head down, ready to go. Then...she wasn't. 

An external version was done and successful! Baby was ready. I was taken off meds. And I was stuck....I couldn't walk to progress my labor and the hospital could not assist or encourage my labor because I was early. It was a tough situation.

After a week in the hospital with not much more happening, we were allowed to go home! I was off meds and off bed rest.

I basically showered, unpacked, repacked, and by the next morning my contractions had picked up and I was in full blown labor...back to the hospital we flew. Andrew didn't want to deliver in the car and I was pissed he was driving like a maniac. #MarriedLife

What would you know....little stinker had flipped again. My amazing OB decided we were done messing around. I got my epidural, went into the operating room (in case things got ugly), she flipped our stinker, broke my water, and strapped me tight so Bea couldn't flip again. It was time to have a baby and this momma was totally ready!

After 3 pushes, Bea was born. As I snuggled this tiny bundle and looked at this sweet baby, all I felt was peace. Bea was absolutely beautiful. She was totally perfect. She was so worth of second of this journey and all the trouble. She was ours and I fell deeply in love all over again.

Beatrice Anne
September 5, 2016
6 lbs. 12 oz. and 20 in. long

Bea is our little sunshine! She is so full of life, happiness, and joy. We are beyond smitten with this little love.

It has been everything to watch Drew and Amina as a big brother and a big sister. Drew was made to be a big brother. He is so loving, gentle, thoughtful, and sweet. The minute he saw Bea, it was love at first sight. I always knew he'd be an amazing big brother, I just didn't know he'd be this amazing. Our Amina is so sweet and silly. She loves kissing her sister and I think her favorite thing is making her laugh. 

And Andrew....this man continues to impress me and surpass every hope I had for him as a dada...he is always patient, slow to anger, and definitely the fun parent. Our babies love him and I love watching him with them.

As our first year together comes to an end, I am a teensy bit sad that it went by so fast but I have loved every second with you, my sweet babe. You are a dream come true. You are a prayer answered. You are forever loved. 

Photography: Riley Cooper Photography

Hello, Again.

Hello, again. 

To say I have fallen off the face of the earth would be a ginormous understatement!

It’s been a little over two years since I have posted on my blog…lately I've had an itch to start writing again and truly document our adventures. Life moves so fast and I love being able to look back and relive our journey through these posts. After talking to a few people, I decided it's time to pick up the ol' pen and get back to it. 

So...a quick update if you will.

When I started this blog back in 2014, I was newly pregnant with Drew after struggling with infertility for 2 1/2 years and just beginning to chronicle my pregnancy when God stepped in and gave us our foster daughter, Amina  During that time, I shared my joys, excitement about motherhood, a new found love for my husband as a daddy, and my heartbreak when we lost custody of our Amina. I shared my journey as a new momma and the heartache of not having one of my babies with me all the time. It was one of the most beautiful and challenging times of my life. 

Erin Tukua Photography

Over the past two years, our lives have changed in the most beautiful, challenging, exhausting, hilarious, and amazing ways. It's incredible to think back to where we started and remember the struggles we faced and the hurdles we jumped to start a family. 

I've been fortunate enough to stay home, enjoy motherhood, navigate our new normal, and add to our family. Our littlest love, Beatrice Anne (Bea), is a ray of sunshine and brings so much love, happiness, and silliness to our home. We are totally smitten with this little girl. Amina and Drew were born to be Bigs. They are so loving, nurturing, and gentle with "their" baby. I have never felt so proud or so in love. These 3 miracle babies have my whole heart. 

Riley Cooper Photography

Today, I am determined to share my story. The good. The bad. The ugly. And everything in between. 

It isn't always pretty. It's isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but....it's mine and I'm pretty dang lucky. 

Happy Half Birthday My Sweet Boy

Today my sweet little Drew turns 6 months old! Wow. I cannot believe how fast these past 6 months have flown by. I literally blinked and it's been half of a year. It makes me so incredibly sad but at the same time...so very happy and thankful for all the love, laughter, and straight up craziness this baby boy has brought to our little family.

Being Drew's momma is truly an adventure. He is a wild one! Never a dull moment in the Vidovich household now that Mr. Drew is here. He is all boy. Drew is a mover and a groover. There is no down time with this little guy. He is hilarious, loving, snuggly, feisty, and most of the time the happiest baby boy.

Over the past month, Drew began sleeping in his crib in his OWN room (mom cried her eyes out for the first two nights), started eating solids (see homemade baby food post here), became an expert roller (front to back & back to front), an awesome pivoter, and has started scooting! Mind you, the scoot is a bit of a face hop...his feet move like crazy but his arms tend to get stuck making him look like a cartoon character scootin face first. Lol. He has started shaking his head whenever we say, "No, no, no, no, no." And he loves singing Old McDonald.

Drew is a total love bug. He loves his sisters, Amina & Coobie! Amina is the sweetest sister and gives her brother loads of kisses which cracks him up and he loves her toes as much as his own. LOL. So weird. He also loves his pup and literally can't wait to chase Coobie Daisy around the house! He has started diving for Coobie girl! Boys. Coobs has no clue what she's in for! Our little man adores his daddy and loves playing rough with that guy. It's so cute hearing him squeal as his Daddy tickles him! And my favorite...he loves his momma. There is nothing sweeter than cuddling and kissing my baby boy. He thinks his momma is hilarious and the BEST singer. I fall more in love with him every single day.

Baby boy, I love you more than you will ever know. I am the luckiest momma in the world. Happy 1/2 Birthday Pumpkin.

Welcome to the World Little Man...Definitely worth the wait!

Well...to say I have dropped off the face of blogger world is an understatement! But, in my defense I have been blissfully busy.

The past 3 months have been very exciting for our little family.

On September 21st, after pushing for three very long hours, our little guy FINALLY decided to enter the world. Andrew Frank Vidovich III weighed in at 8lbs 5oz and 20in long! Holy moly! This little booger was supposed to weigh 6lbs! lol.

Our Drew was definitely worth the wait. We couldn't possibly love this little boy more than we do.

Labor is no joke! We went in on Friday, September 19th at 5am to be induced. This little guy needed to be evicted...he was too cozy in momma's belly. At 11pm, my water finally broke! We were beyond excited and worried our families would miss the birth! Ha! Thankfully, the nurse made us wait to call our families in the morning! The minute we gave them the news, they eagerly took over the waiting room excitedly anticipating Drew's arrival! Unfortunately for them, our stubborn little man decided he was not ready. During the next 24 hours, I developed a fever and was totally delirious (like when you're drunk and everything is happy & oh so foggy). I spent the entire day sleeping, starving, and eating ice chips like they were going out of style! After 21 hours, I was finally dilated to 10! My fever remained so my OB told us that upon arrival, Drew would be taken to the NICU to be treated for infection. I was so sad but after wanting him for so long, waiting over 3 years to finally get pregnant, and after this long day, I figured what's a few days in the NICU! 

The minute Drew was born and was placed on my chest, I was filled with this amazing, indescribable love. It was the same feeling I had when Amina was placed in my arms for the first time. I was overwhelmed with love and devotion to this sweet baby. He was perfect (cone head and all)! 

He was quickly taken to the NICU with Daddy following close behind. On his way, he was greeted by his loving family. Everyone was so excited to see this little man. 

He was kept in the NICU for 4 days. Right before we were discharged, we realized Drew had a twitch  (which turned out to be nothing) and the NICU doctor decided to treat it as a seizure and run a panel of tests including MRI, EEG, and Lumbar test. Everything was clear except the lumbar...his levels were elevated which indicate he may have meningitis. It wasn't high enough to say for sure but it wasn't low enough to be in the clear so our doctors decided to treat him for it. He started 2 additional antibiotics and we were stuck at Torrance Memorial for a total of 21 days. They were so accommodating and although we remained NICU patients, moved us down to PEDS so we could have a private room and stay with our baby! Anyone who has ever had a child hospitalized knows the idea of leaving your baby is absolutely heartbreaking. We quickly settled in and made the room our home. 

Our baby girl even came to spend the day with us and meet her baby brother! My heart couldn't have been fuller or more joyful. Look at these sweet babes. We sure are blessed. Amina was so sweet with her baby brother! She was very curious and kissed him every chance she got!

The 21 days actually flew by and before we knew it, we were home. The days at the hospital seem like a blur. Drew is now a totally happy & healthy baby boy (slight colic episodes to start but thankfully that ended quickly)!

Maternity Pics

Last month, we decided to take maternity pictures. Best decision! This is a very special time in our lives and we want to capture every moment. We knew they would be perfect but are even more thankful that our sweet baby girl could be a part of them. She will always be Andrew's big sister and our peanut butter cup!

So thankful for our awesome and oh so talented friend and photographer, Erin Tukua! Thank you for capturing the most beautiful pictures of our growing family. We will treasure these forever.

Fun fact: We met Erin in January 2010 when I became obsessed with her website and hired her for our engagement pictures. Here we are over 4 years later and still turn to Erin for our pregnancy announcement photos, Amina's newborn pictures, and now our maternity pictures. Pretty cool to have someone that knows us and our story.

Here are some of our favorites…ENJOY!

Have you ever seen a sweeter little face?!

One of my all-time favorites of this little girl!

Daddy's Girl

This little love muffin!

I love my babies so much.

Our family...