Our Foster Story

4 years ago, this beautiful baby girl came into our lives and forever changed our hearts. 

She became our foster baby (original story here). We had great hopes of adopting Amina and making her ours but God had other plans (original post). We struggled, lost hope, and mourned the loss of our baby. I didn't know if we could make it through....but God showed us that he is faithful and true. 

We feared that when we lost custody, we'd lose Amina forever. I have never felt so defeated, broken hearted, and scared. I couldn't imagine my life without our little peanut. Being 8 months pregnant didn't help. I cried myself to sleep and woke up every morning with lumps in my throat. I thought about her every minute of every day and missed her with my entire being. 

It broke my heart to think she'd forget us....that didn't happen. 

Amina's aunt allowed us to remain in her life. 

She didn't have to. 

There was no court order. 

Tamara allowed us to remain in Amina's life because she loves Amina.   

She allowed us to stay in her life because she knew how much we loved that baby girl. She allowed us to stay in her life because she is truly a good person with a very big heart. 

The beginning of our relationship was a challenging time, we struggled with where we stood, our new role, and often felt as if we had to tred ever so carefully as we navigated this new relationship. 

We get so many questions and messages asking if Amina is with us full time...the answer to that is no but she is every bit a part of our family as she was when she lived here. Amina visits us every other weekend, goes on every family vacation, and is a part of every holiday/birthday/family celebration. She will always be a part of our family and in our hearts, our baby. 

Amina was adopted 2 years ago. It wasn't the adoption I dreamed for us...that was emotional. But, I'll tell you, it was a special day. Not only had we known it was coming, we were invited to be a part of that special day. Wow. It's amazing to think where we have come with Amina and her family. 

As difficult as some days are, we have been so blessed. I still struggle and it's ok to be sad and get mad...but this is our journey and God's plan is always greater than ours. We still have Amina and through this journey have gained 4 new nieces and a new nephew! Tamara has been a loving mother to Amina and has become a member of our family. 

We are thankful for our role as Amina's "godparents" and are even more thankful for the love and kindness Tamara has shown us. 

I know not all foster stories have happy endings. We are lucky. We are blessed. And we are forever thankful. 

Every night I pray for the families that continue to put their hearts on the line and love other people's children with all they have. I pray for you and those precious babies every day. 

Hello, Again.

Hello, again. 

To say I have fallen off the face of the earth would be a ginormous understatement!

It’s been a little over two years since I have posted on my blog…lately I've had an itch to start writing again and truly document our adventures. Life moves so fast and I love being able to look back and relive our journey through these posts. After talking to a few people, I decided it's time to pick up the ol' pen and get back to it. 

So...a quick update if you will.

When I started this blog back in 2014, I was newly pregnant with Drew after struggling with infertility for 2 1/2 years and just beginning to chronicle my pregnancy when God stepped in and gave us our foster daughter, Amina  During that time, I shared my joys, excitement about motherhood, a new found love for my husband as a daddy, and my heartbreak when we lost custody of our Amina. I shared my journey as a new momma and the heartache of not having one of my babies with me all the time. It was one of the most beautiful and challenging times of my life. 

Erin Tukua Photography

Over the past two years, our lives have changed in the most beautiful, challenging, exhausting, hilarious, and amazing ways. It's incredible to think back to where we started and remember the struggles we faced and the hurdles we jumped to start a family. 

I've been fortunate enough to stay home, enjoy motherhood, navigate our new normal, and add to our family. Our littlest love, Beatrice Anne (Bea), is a ray of sunshine and brings so much love, happiness, and silliness to our home. We are totally smitten with this little girl. Amina and Drew were born to be Bigs. They are so loving, nurturing, and gentle with "their" baby. I have never felt so proud or so in love. These 3 miracle babies have my whole heart. 

Riley Cooper Photography

Today, I am determined to share my story. The good. The bad. The ugly. And everything in between. 

It isn't always pretty. It's isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but....it's mine and I'm pretty dang lucky. 

A Beautiful Adventure

As we prepare to drop our sweet Amina off at her aunt's, we are filled with of course sadness but also the deepest love and gratitude.

The past 3 1/2 months have been the best times of our lives. It has been the greatest privilege and honor to foster this beautiful angel. 

God placed Amina in our lives for a reason. He has a plan...we may not understand it, it may not be our plan, but he is a tricky guy and works in the most mysterious and wondrous ways. I know Amina was given to us to teach us what true love is. She has strengthened us as a couple, made our families closer than ever, strengthened our faith, and taught us how to be parents. Wow! I am amazed by how this precious little baby has changed our lives. We are so blessed. 

In our hearts, she will always be a Vidovich.

Today, we woke up, loaded up the car with bottles, bath tubs, bouncers, bows, clothes, diapers, wipes, and oh so much more! We hugged our baby girl, loved her, watched Doc McStuffins, and let Coobie say not goodbye, but "See you later!" to her sister, our peanut butter cup.  

Amina is going to live with her aunt and 5 cousins. They truly love her and will take good care of her. The love they have for her offers us some comfort. Our families were brought together by this little angel and our lives are forever intertwined. Amina now has two families that love her and will be there for her.   

As we leave today, I reflect on the ending of my favorite childhood movie…The Little Mermaid. King Triton has to let Ariel go and so he turns to Sebastian and says, "I guess there is just one problem left Sebastian. [And what's that, your majesty?] How much I'm going to miss her." I am going to miss you with my entire being baby but know that we will be together soon.

Looking forward to our visits my sweet babe. Remember...wherever you are, my love will find you. I love you poopsie. 

Heartbreak

The past few days have been the most difficult days for our family. As many of you already know, the law has decided that our sweet girl is better off with her maternal family as of next month. Though we only had her for a short time she has our hearts forever. 

From the moment Amina was placed in my arms she was not just my foster baby, she was my baby. I have loved her as if she was my own child. Having her for the past 2 ½ months has been the biggest blessing. Being her mom has changed me in the most amazing way. Everything makes sense as her mommy. It was clear from that very moment I held her that I was put on this earth to be her mommy. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my sweet, perfect, silly girl. She has made me love in a way I never imagined. I have loved every second of being her mom…every middle of the night feeding, every snuggle, every cry, whine, chat, and dirty diaper. It has been the greatest honor and joy. I have grown with her and know what every, squeak, cry, and noise means. I know when she is hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or sick. And she knows me. I love this baby girl so much and don’t want to lose her. I can’t begin to express the pain I feel thinking about her not being here.

This is truly the most heart breaking experience Andrew and I have ever experienced. Andrew is the most amazing dad. I have never seen a better father. I have watched him sing to her, walk her through our garden when she’s upset, read to her, watch Doc McStuffins (her favorite show), and play with her. He loves her more than life itself. My dad wasn’t a part of my life but if I could pick a dad, it would be someone just like Andrew. Amina has brought out the most loving, patient, and compassionate side of Andrew.  Amina is his baby girl. 

We are beyond heartbroken. I know she isn’t our biological child but our love is that of any biological parent. We can’t imagine our lives without Amina. I don’t know how we are going to live without her. She is the love of our lives. I don’t know how we will ever walk past her room and not feel an intense sense of loss. I don’t know how we will get up every day knowing she isn’t here.  And I don’t know how we will ever be able to hand over the most valuable part of us…Amina.

Despite our sadness, there is joy, love, and always something to be thankful for. We are so thankful for the best months of our lives and so thankful for another month with our baby girl. Although we are sad now, Amina is worth it. She has been our angel and has brought more love, laughter, and joy into our home than we ever thought possible. She has truly touched our lives and has forever left her imprint on our hearts. Even though she won't legally be a Vidovich, she will always be one to us. Amina will always be our baby...

We know her aunt loves her and she will be in good hands…it doesn't make it easier but gives us some peace of mind. She has also promised to allow us to visit and remain in Amina's life. That alone has helped us get through every day.  

We are going to enjoy this next month and spoil her rotten! We are going to treasure every second with sweet Amina and hopefully she'll feel all the love. I pray that God gives us peace and the strength we need to put on happy faces and be the best mommy and daddy to our girl. Please keep our family (especially Amina) in your prayers. 

I cannot thank everyone enough for their love, support, encouragement, prayers, and kind words. They have helped us through this sad time and give us hope. God bless!

God is Good!

I have been wanting to sit and blog these past 6 days but cannot tear myself away from this little peanut. Words cannot begin to express how thankful Andrew and I are for the outpour of love and support as we begin this new chapter of our lives. The response to our blog and all the shares on Facebook have really touched us. Hopefully with everyone sharing and praying, God will protect and bless this sweet little angel.

We are truly the lucky ones. This tiny little person has filled our home with love, joy, and more laughter than I ever knew possible! She is truly a blessing and we are so proud to be her foster mommy and daddy….hopefully one day we will be her forever mommy and daddy! Bringing Amina home was truly magical. She is the sweetest baby in the whole world. So far she eats, sleeps, chats, and loves music! We are all so in love…well that isn't entirely true.  Coobie isn't too sure of her yet but is coming around. I don't think she loves sharing her momma and dad! Lol. Crazy pup!

Being a mommy to this little angel is my all time favorite thing. It has been the most wonderful experience. As I look back at the past 2 1/2 years of praying for a baby, I now realize everything happened the way it was supposed to. God has blessed us with not one but two miracle babies! Wow… blows my mind. I know Amina and Andrew will be the best of friends and siblings. I love when I am cuddling her and feel little Drew moving and saying, "Hey sissy!"

With Mother's day just passing, I can't help but think about Amina's mother. She made the ultimate sacrifice out of love. I look at this sweet little girl and can't help but think how hard this must have been. I am so in love and can't imagine our lives without her. I wish we could let her know how loved this baby girl is…not to mention spoiled. Our family, firefighter family, friends, and neighbors have been so thoughtful and generous. I can't even think about it without tearing up. Thank you for loving our baby.

All the prayers and kind words mean more to us than you could ever possibly know. Please continue praying for us and for the most selfless woman...Amina's birth mother. We love this woman and pray she knows Amina is safe and so so loved.

Some things are meant to be...

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, which brings me to today…on Saturday, April 26th, Andrew (my husband) picked up an overtime shift. He was supposed to be at one station and for whatever reason ended up at his very own fire station. Andrew was cleaning the apparatus floor (basically the garage) when a woman approached him stating she'd like to give up her baby. Andrew called his captain out as he had never had this happen. They asked where the baby was and Andrew went out to her car to bring this beautiful baby girl into the office. Andrew was touched by the mother's selflessness in giving her child up to “have the best chance.” She expressed hope in Amina finding a loving and nurturing home. As my husband listened to this loving testimony, he knew that Amina had been put in our lives for a reason. We have talked about adopting since before we were married and even before we knew we'd struggle conceiving the good old fashioned way. This felt right, like God had hand delivered this beautiful blessing. This mother's tragic and beautiful sacrifice has truly touched us. Andrew immediately called me saying, "There is a safe surrender baby girl at our station." Without hesitation, I replied, "Can we adopt her?" We wanted to give Amina the life her mother dreamed of for her beautiful baby girl.

Andrew took her to the hospital and asked about adopting. In the 12 days since this happened, we have underwent background checks, fingerprinting, and a home investigation. Today, we were granted temporary custody of this sweet baby. We are now fostering Amina with the hope of adopting her. Please keep my little family in your thoughts and prayers.