Monday, August 28, 2017

A Letter to My Son on the Night Before Preschool

To my baby boy on the night before preschool...

Drew,

Tomorrow you start your first day at school. This is a big day.  

Long before we knew you, we loved you and imagined all the amazing things you would do and the incredible person you would become. You, my sweet baby, have exceeded every hope and dream we had for you. 

When I held you in my arms for the very first time, I remember holding  you so gently, protectively, and with all the love I had. Tomorrow, I'll be doing almost the exact same thing for your first day at school. I'll hold your hand...so gently, protectively, and lovingly...as we embrace the next adventure in your little life. 

Tonight I read you a stack of books to get you ready for your 1st day...they were just as much for me as they were for you. 

Tonight is bittersweet. You are growing up so fast, too fast. I wish I could make time stand still and soak up all your silliness, giggles, snuggles, and kisses! 

Sometimes, I wish I could keep you little but I love watching you grow into the most inquisitive, hilarious, and loving little boy. You are so brave and adventurous. I love your fascination with dinosaurs, your forever love of Lightening McQueen, and your contagious laugh. You are going to be great tomorrow...you'll make new friends, you'll learn new songs, and you are going to have so much fun. I can't wait to hear about all the fun things you do and about all the exciting things you learn. 

This is one of those moments you might not remember...but I will. I absolutely will and I will treasure this first because I love you and you are so very special to me. 

Love you always and forever,
Momma



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Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Bringing Home Our Baby Bumble Bea

It's hard to believe our Sweet Bea is almost ONE!!

In honor of her upcoming birthday I decided to share the story of her birth. 

This is one of my favorite love stories, Sweet Bea. 

It's the story of you.


Like any good story, we have to start at the beginning.

Our sweet Bea wasn't always so sweet. In fact, she was a bit of a hellion! 

Just like her big brother, Bea is an IVF baby. A frozen embryo transfer. Just like with Drew, I gave myself a million shots, prayed my heart out, transferred two beautiful and healthy embryos, and stayed in bed for 5 days. We were pregnant. We were thrilled.


Unlike most people, I love morning sickness. It is a sign that everything is good...a reassurance that there is a growing little miracle in my belly. Little Bea took it to a whole new level! I was sick the ENTIRE time. Not just nauseous or tired but the kind of sick you have when you wake up after a night of tequila shots sick. Holy moly. I remember thinking, "Ok. My little busy Bea. Thank you for checking in but I need a break!"

Then this little rebel decided she wanted out and she wanted out NOW! 

Mind you, she wanted to make her debut at 32 weeks....oh yes, 32 frickin' weeks! Stinker. 

I had just had my sprinkle and was feeling extra tired, crampy, and HEAVY. I figured it was a 2nd baby thing so although I was uncomfortable I definitely wasn't concerned. We'd gone in for our 32 week appointment and casually mentioned how much harder this pregnancy was and my symptoms....well, it wasn't normal and after 30 minutes of monitoring, I was sent to Hoag Hospital for 48 hour observation and medication to slow contractions and meds to help baby's lungs form if she were to come early. Then sent home on strict bed rest and weekly monitoring. 


My job was to keep this baby cooking and my husband made sure I did just that! Andrew picked up all the slack and some...cooking, cleaning, laundry, and Drew! He may drive me crazy but I am pretty darn lucky to have this guy to do life with. 

Not only was my husband amazing, the grandmas took their roles to a whole new level of awesome! My mom and my mother in law helped with organizing everything from my sprinkle, washing baby clothes, and packing my hospital bag. My mother in law and sister in law took Drew more days than I can even count. Our family and friends visited, brought endless amounts of food, and entertained Drew. Thank God for the support system we have....I honestly don't know what I'd do without them. 

I'd been home two weeks on bedrest when my momma tribe had come to keep me company and bring Thai food (all I craved my third trimester)! I was so thankful for the company, yummy food, and some of the sweetest friends! My gf, Jenn/my built in doctor (she really should start charging me for every random picture and question I throw at her), started noticing the regularity and strength of my contractions despite being on medication...she STRONGLY encouraged me to go in the next day.

Sure enough, at 34 weeks, I was dilated to 2, 60% effaced, and my contractions were 7 minutes apart. The meds had stopped doing their thing...which meant back to Hoag. 

As nervous as I was, I also had a feeling that everything would be ok and truth be told, I hadn't expected this to be easy. Nothing had come easy up to this point so I kind of assumed it would be a doosey.

I was admitted, put on the monitor and meds were upped to at least buy us a little more time. During our ultrasound, we found out that our little sassy girl had flipped. Yes, flipped! Miss. Bea had been ready, head down, ready to go. Then...she wasn't. 

An external version was done and successful! Baby was ready. I was taken off meds. And I was stuck....I couldn't walk to progress my labor and the hospital could not assist or encourage my labor because I was early. It was a tough situation.


After a week in the hospital with not much more happening, we were allowed to go home! I was off meds and off bed rest.

I basically showered, unpacked, repacked, and by the next morning my contractions had picked up and I was in full blown labor...back to the hospital we flew. Andrew didn't want to deliver in the car and I was pissed he was driving like a maniac. #MarriedLife

What would you know....little stinker had flipped again. My amazing OB decided we were done messing around. I got my epidural, went into the operating room (in case things got ugly), she flipped our stinker, broke my water, and strapped me tight so Bea couldn't flip again. It was time to have a baby and this momma was totally ready!

After 3 pushes, Bea was born. As I snuggled this tiny bundle and looked at this sweet baby, all I felt was peace. Bea was absolutely beautiful. She was totally perfect. She was so worth of second of this journey and all the trouble. She was ours and I fell deeply in love all over again.

Beatrice Anne
September 5, 2016
6 lbs. 12 oz. and 20 in. long







Bea is our little sunshine! She is so full of life, happiness, and joy. We are beyond smitten with this little love.



It has been everything to watch Drew and Amina as a big brother and a big sister. Drew was made to be a big brother. He is so loving, gentle, thoughtful, and sweet. The minute he saw Bea, it was love at first sight. I always knew he'd be an amazing big brother, I just didn't know he'd be this amazing. Our Amina is so sweet and silly. She loves kissing her sister and I think her favorite thing is making her laugh. 

And Andrew....this man continues to impress me and surpass every hope I had for him as a dada...he is always patient, slow to anger, and definitely the fun parent. Our babies love him and I love watching him with them.


As our first year together comes to an end, I am a teensy bit sad that it went by so fast but I have loved every second with you, my sweet babe. You are a dream come true. You are a prayer answered. You are forever loved. 

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Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Hello, Again.

Hello, again. 

To say I have fallen off the face of the earth would be a ginormous understatement!

It’s been a little over two years since I have posted on my blog…lately I've had an itch to start writing again and truly document our adventures. Life moves so fast and I love being able to look back and relive our journey through these posts. After talking to a few people, I decided it's time to pick up the ol' pen and get back to it

So...a quick update if you will.

When I started this blog back in 2014, I was newly pregnant with Drew after struggling with infertility for 2 1/2 years and just beginning to chronicle my pregnancy when God stepped in and gave us our foster daughter, Amina  During that time, I shared my joys, excitement about motherhood, a new found love for my husband as a daddy, and my heartbreak when we lost custody of our Amina. I shared my journey as a new momma and the heartache of not having one of my babies with me all the time. It was one of the most beautiful and challenging times of my life. 


Erin Tukua Photography

Over the past two years, our lives have changed in the most beautiful, challenging, exhausting, hilarious, and amazing ways. It's incredible to think back to where we started and remember the struggles we faced and the hurdles we jumped to start a family. 

I've been fortunate enough to stay home, enjoy motherhood, navigate our new normal, and add to our family. Our littlest love, Beatrice Anne (Bea), is a ray of sunshine and brings so much love, happiness, and silliness to our home. We are totally smitten with this little girl. Amina and Drew were born to be Bigs. They are so loving, nurturing, and gentle with "their" baby. I have never felt so proud or so in love. These 3 miracle babies have my whole heart. 


Today, I am determined to share my story. The good. The bad. The ugly. And everything in between. 

It isn't always pretty. It's isn't always sunshine and rainbows, but....it's mine and I'm pretty dang lucky. 




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