Heartbreak

The past few days have been the most difficult days for our family. As many of you already know, the law has decided that our sweet girl is better off with her maternal family as of next month. Though we only had her for a short time she has our hearts forever. 

From the moment Amina was placed in my arms she was not just my foster baby, she was my baby. I have loved her as if she was my own child. Having her for the past 2 ½ months has been the biggest blessing. Being her mom has changed me in the most amazing way. Everything makes sense as her mommy. It was clear from that very moment I held her that I was put on this earth to be her mommy. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my sweet, perfect, silly girl. She has made me love in a way I never imagined. I have loved every second of being her mom…every middle of the night feeding, every snuggle, every cry, whine, chat, and dirty diaper. It has been the greatest honor and joy. I have grown with her and know what every, squeak, cry, and noise means. I know when she is hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or sick. And she knows me. I love this baby girl so much and don’t want to lose her. I can’t begin to express the pain I feel thinking about her not being here.

This is truly the most heart breaking experience Andrew and I have ever experienced. Andrew is the most amazing dad. I have never seen a better father. I have watched him sing to her, walk her through our garden when she’s upset, read to her, watch Doc McStuffins (her favorite show), and play with her. He loves her more than life itself. My dad wasn’t a part of my life but if I could pick a dad, it would be someone just like Andrew. Amina has brought out the most loving, patient, and compassionate side of Andrew.  Amina is his baby girl. 

We are beyond heartbroken. I know she isn’t our biological child but our love is that of any biological parent. We can’t imagine our lives without Amina. I don’t know how we are going to live without her. She is the love of our lives. I don’t know how we will ever walk past her room and not feel an intense sense of loss. I don’t know how we will get up every day knowing she isn’t here.  And I don’t know how we will ever be able to hand over the most valuable part of us…Amina.

Despite our sadness, there is joy, love, and always something to be thankful for. We are so thankful for the best months of our lives and so thankful for another month with our baby girl. Although we are sad now, Amina is worth it. She has been our angel and has brought more love, laughter, and joy into our home than we ever thought possible. She has truly touched our lives and has forever left her imprint on our hearts. Even though she won't legally be a Vidovich, she will always be one to us. Amina will always be our baby...

We know her aunt loves her and she will be in good hands…it doesn't make it easier but gives us some peace of mind. She has also promised to allow us to visit and remain in Amina's life. That alone has helped us get through every day.  

We are going to enjoy this next month and spoil her rotten! We are going to treasure every second with sweet Amina and hopefully she'll feel all the love. I pray that God gives us peace and the strength we need to put on happy faces and be the best mommy and daddy to our girl. Please keep our family (especially Amina) in your prayers. 

I cannot thank everyone enough for their love, support, encouragement, prayers, and kind words. They have helped us through this sad time and give us hope. God bless!